Transforming Resistance in the Midst of Change

Very little of the Resistance we have to doing a task or committing to something comes from a deep “I know in every cell of my being that this is the wrong thing to do!” place.  

Mostly it comes from just not wanting to.

We may just stay in inaction because an inner voice is saying, “I don’t want to!” and we may never choose to explore the Resistance with adult open inquiry any further than that.

Some of us will be direct in showing our Resistance and say a loud “NO” to ourselves and the people around us, rationalizing, attacking, arguing our position. Some of us will be indirect, passive aggressive, or manipulative and say we will do something and then just not do it, or procrastinate, or make excuses for why we haven’t done it. And a lot of us will merely be unconscious about our Resistance.

Looking at our Resistance full on requires honesty and courage.

Of course, if we have looked at the “No” with curiosity and arrive at the decision from our thinking self, our feeling self, and our intuitive or gut knowing self and all three centers of wisdom are in agreement then the Resistance is well founded and we should follow the “No.”

Most Resistance is just about fear of Change, of the unknown, so we are too often resisting from a reactive place:

• That place may be a very young part of ourselves.  
• Perhaps now I am in my terrible two’s, saying “No” for autonomy, control, power, the need to be right, or differentiation.
• Perhaps now my “No” is coming from fear, maybe that five-year-old self on its first day of school, wanting independence but wanting security more.
• And maybe it’s a big “No” from our teenage self questioning our worth and just secretly not feeling up to it, or enough for the task, or deserving of the unseen good that might come from it.

We don’t need to resist our Resistance, which ends up being pretty futile anyway.

We do need to be interested in our Resistance from our compassionate observer self and honor it long enough to explore it, dialogue with it, and get to the bottom of its reactivity.

Befriend Resistance from a grown-up place, and then do what mature and wise grown-ups do, make a value-based decision and then take the child out of the driver’s seat. These young places really are not old enough to drive, but they end up doing so way too often.

Change is happening in each moment without our say so. 

Resistance, when allowed to be seen and welcomed, can lead us to openness, strategy and planning, and finding the support we believe we need.  Once that young place in us feels resourced we can navigate with resilience that which we are destined to move toward…the Change we have really been seeking all along.